Married to the Military and Beyond

Peace in the Chaos

2011-10-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

This morning was CRAZY, like all mornings. Getting the boys ready for school is always an adventure. Breakfast, dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, squeeze in a quick story and a lil prayer, pack bags, snacks, and out the door....
As i waved to the boys on the bus and looked forward to a couple hours by myself God reminded me of a time long ago where in the midst of total chaos, He provided the peace only He can give.

Steve was on His way home from his first tour in Iraq. They left suddenly and ended up being gone much longer than planned. I do believe it was the only time that MEU went into the country.

We lived in Okinawa at the time. Jon was almost two and Colin one by the time they were returning. It was our first deployment, first homecomming... a lot of firsts. I had an idea in my head how it should be... haha... I am sure some can relate.

The day before the ships were comming in Jonathan got sick. He was up all night vomiting. We had to get up before the sun to drive up to the beach. Pouring rain, wind... not what you would prefer but perfect.

It was perfect. The boys were too tired and cold to do anything but sit in the strollers and wait. The excitement was there but the "madness" was not. By the time they got off the boats the rain had cleared a bit. We met our hero with open arms and headed home.

I guess the point is, even when things are not going as we planned, they are going as He planned. We can run from them or embrace and trust that God has given us victory over all circumstances through the death of Christ. If we walk through them with Him and stop fighting against Him it will be a lot easier. His word says He wants to give us hope and a future, He will never leave or forsake us, to trust Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, we can do all things through Him, to wait upon Him, to seek Him before all else, and not to worry about tomorrow... Thank you Lord for this reminder!

uh... not what I planned....

2011-05-03T06:37:00.001-07:00

A world changing event occurred over this weekend. The killing of a man whose actions set into motion a war where thousands have been lost. I was sleeping. Steve called about 1130pm and asked if I had heard anything on the news about the killing of Osama Bin Laden. Dazed and confused, I had heard nothing. It was however true. Come Monday morning it was wall over the world.
To be completely honest, I was HAPPY. Then I was a disappointed in myself for rejoicing over the death of another. As the day continued, and as it stands now, I am happy. I do rejoice.
Yes a man was killed. He is only one of many who have lost their lives in war. He was controlled by Satan. I know that Heaven does not rejoice in the lose of any life. Osama will no doubt burn in hell for eternity. Not to justify my personal feelings, I do believe that this particular life that was lost... Has now saved many.
Families all over the world can find peace and closure to the loss of innocent lives. Our Military Men and Women should be proud of many years of sacrifice. Many died in Iraq and Afghanistan. Even more have come home with body parts missing. Scars that may never heal. PTSD. TBI's. Marriages have been torn apart. Children have been left with out a mom, a dad, or both. Brothers, sisters, sons and daughters that never got to say goodbye. Images no one should ever see are burned into the minds of our heroes.
Its easy to say that we shouldn't fight, war is bad. Its easy to protest, to trample over the sacrifice of another. Its easy to sit and do nothing. It takes courage to stand and fight for another, lay your life down for those you love and those who hate you. It takes strength to leave time after time, walk away from your children, husbands and wives knowing it may be the last time. It takes heart to try and make the world a better place, to believe in something and be willing to give your life for it.
Christ died for all of us to have eternal life. The American military men and women are still dieing for your freedom... Its time to be thankful...
I thank God for the opportunities we have and are given. I pray protection, peace and strength to our service members all over the world. I pray blessings upon them and their families. I pray that they will receive the love from others that they have shown. I pray their sacrifice would not be unnoticed. Thank you Jesus that you layed down your life.
No greater love... than to lay down your life for another.....

Freedom

2011-03-16T05:03:00.001-07:00

This past weekend Steve and I took the boys up to Washington DC for a mini vacation. They had learned about some places in school and had been wanting to see them. We had an incredible time!
I was caught off guard by the emotion it brought on. Married to a marine and coming from a "military" family, I know the price and sacrifice made by many. Yet to see the memorials in person, the names on walls, stars representing thousands, and to walk through a cemetery full of heroes.... was very humbling.
It brought me to tears many times.
Each of these men and women laid down their life for us to live freely. My heart aches for those who cannot see the big picture, those who protest our heroes and their sacrifice. Even more it aches for the loved ones they left behind.
As I was reflecting on the entire adventure I was reminded that Christ also made the ultimate sacrifice. Not for our earthly freedoms, but for eternal freedom. Though we are undeserving, often ungrateful, willingly he laid down his life.
To say I am thankful, doesn't begin to describe how I feel about my life. With all the tragedy that is unfolding around the world I find my peace in God. I know that all things can work to his His glory. I know that he honors the lives of these fallen heroes and those still hard at work today. I will forever be grateful for the freedom given through their sacrifice... My prayer is that eyes and hearts would be opened. That people would come to know Christ. To know God loved them enough to let his son die on the cross. That our men and women would get the honor and thanks they deserve... past, present and future!

A Childs Heart....

2011-01-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

I have said many times that I would love to have God drop a big sign in my yard about one situation or another. Today was reminded about how God wants us to come to Him and seek Him.
With the heart of a child, no worldly beliefs or opinions standing in the way. Innocent. Believing. Trusting.
I know this may sound deep but it is really not, enough of my random thoughts, this was my reminder....
Jon and Colin have been wanting to serve at church. particularly Jon. He wanted to be able to help open doors for people but is still a bit young. We talked with Mr. Bob and he asked that the boys and I would pray about where God wanted them to help. He also said he would be praying too. Colin was not too interested in the process, has said one quick prayer and not a second thought. Jon was very excited. He couldn't wait to find out. First he told me that he wanted God to tell Mr. Bob, so he could get started. I explained to him that it was important to listen for God to tell him. He shouted in the car before we got home that God had spoke to him....

Jon: "Mom, God told me what I am supposed to do!"

Me: " What did He say Jon?"

Jon: " He said, 'Jonathan, this is God. I am telling you before Mr. Bob that you are
supposed to help get snacks ready for Sunday school."

Me: "OK, Then that must be what you are supposed to do"

Jon: "But mom, I cant tell if it was God or my head telling me that"

Me: "Well then you need to pray to God to help you hear Him and know its Him"

When we got home Jon disappeared into His room and closed the door. He came out when I called for the boys to come eat lunch.

Jon: "Mom, I was having quiet time in my room. I was listening to the radio and playing my
DSI until I got to level 2. Then it felt like somebody knocked me in my head. So I turned
off my game and the radio and listened. God told me, Jonathan, this is God. I already
told you that you are supposed to help get the snacks ready for Sunday school."

Me: Well Jon, I guess you know what to do now."

That's where I see the heart of a child. It was so simple and straight forward, a conversation with God. My heart melted. I pray that I would be as open and eager to hearing from God as he was. Not doubting him in anything I ask, knowing if I seek Him, He will answer!

Goodbye 2010

2010-12-31T14:23:00.000-08:00

As I sit on the couch with the boys, watching Free Willy 4, I find myself excited and nervous about the comming year. Half of my heart welcomes the new years with open arms, excited and ready to dive right in. The other Half is a bit timid. Looking over the cliff wondering if I can withstand what may come. God whispers in my ear that He will not bring me into anything that He can not bring me through.
This past year, particularly the last 6 months have been the toughest I can remember. We have faced many challenges as a family and as individuals. Numerous changes, some incredibly hard and unexpected situations. Yet, Here I sit with three of lifes most precious gifts. We are warm and cozy on New Years Eve. A pot of potato soup on the stove. Toys scattered about the floor. A life many will only dream of. Steve sits "safely" in Iraq and will be home by birthday time. Things are looking up.
I can see that at every turn God has had our backs. Though they were unexpected to us, He knew all about them and got us through them.
I ask myself, how can I have all of these blessings, see Gods promises fullfilled before my eyes, but still live with so much fear and doubt.....
I popped onto facebook and a dear friend had posted a verse from Joel. (thanks Narda <3)>
My fear and doubt are sin. Everytime I turn them over to God, seek forgiveness and guidence, He will heal me of faithlessness. I will recieve a refreshing dew from heaven, blossom like a lily, live under God's shade.....
Its amazing! There is a time and a purpose for everything under heaven. I do trust God. I need to let go of myself. Shall Steve venture off another deployment this comming year, I am determined to let it better us all. No more fear for me. I am letting it go, even if its a day by day process. A little bit of fear can ruin a lot of faith. God created us all to be better than that. I know he will surround me with all the resources to do what he has called me to do.... Life is bigger than me.

Making Changes

2010-12-07T16:32:00.000-08:00
It is always said that life is full of changes. I guess that is why I have not written in so long. My family has been going through many changes. Some day to day and others that are taking longer. I never saw myself in this situation. Once again my need to control life has caught up with me. Thankfully, I am beginning to see fruit from all the labor. I have in no way shape or form been obedient to God in the way I know I should have. I have been kicking and screaming, much like my 3yr old, because I want things done my way and in my time. I must have come to my senses somewhere along the way. I cant say things are all better, but I can say that I know they will be. The answer... God. I closed my mouth and opened my ears. After all, i have two ears and one mouth! I continue to seek help in the same ways I have been over the past few months with one difference, this time I am letting Him lead the way.
There are times in our lives where we may think we are giving God the control and being obedient and we aren't. At least that was true for me. My prayers were half hearted, more out of routine than a desire to grow in my relationship with Christ. In fact, I can probably say in most of the praying I did, my only "real' prayers came from sheer exhaustion. Crying out to God, literally, to help me! He had/has given me the people and the resources I need yet I was forgetting Him.
Anyway, its been a few weeks, maybe a month, since I feel I got my heart right with Him again. The changes are little, but they are there. Not just in me but in the boys. I am nervous about what the future holds. We have a lot of unanswered questions. My biggest fear is that the next time Steve leaves it will be the last because he wont come back. God has reminded me that only he knows the number of days we have. It is not by luck that Steve returns, but the will of God. He tells us not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of its own. I cant let what may or may not happen rule over me. I cant let fear control me. It hurts me and all the people around me. Daily I will make a choice not to serve fear, I serve God.
We have a lot of work ahead of us but I am thankful that God waited for me..... I am thankful that He always waits..... And when I screw up again, I know He will be there with arms open wide!
Thank you all for the prayers for our family. The kindness and support of friends, new and old. I am so grateful!

From Darkness to Light

2010-10-13T05:56:00.000-07:00
This morning while taking lil Steve to school I was listening to Klove, as I always do. One of the morning show hosts was speaking about the rescue of the miners in Chili. She spoke on how this was an awesome example of God bringing people from darkness to light.
It really touched my heart. He reaches us when we are buried so deep in "life" that hope seems to be lost. He picks away the stones one by one until the light shows through. He stabilizes and protects the path, brushes away all the clutter, and raises us to the top, showering us with a breath of fresh air.
He will do it over and over again. Its not just a one time deal.
Its no secret that I have been struggling in the last few months. It's not something I am ashamed of, or try to hide. I also try not to dwell on it. Often, I feel like I am failing, my husband, my children, myself, and even God. I know that this is far from true. I am human. God never said life would be easy. He did promise to never leave or forsake us, his love never fails. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
Last night was another challenge with Jon. The poor child is upside down, spinning in circles. He is so full of "stuff" that I don't even recognize him. Satan sees this opening in our lives and is pushing with all his might to break through. Too bad for him, we already have our victory in Christ. I know that it will not be resolved over night, it will take time and hard work. I also know that God is here. We will stand firm on the foundation we built upon Him.
I guess my point is, God gives hope to the hopeless, life to the lifeless. We go through seasons and change in our lives. Some are good, some are bad. If we rely on God to see us through, If we trusts in His promises and stand firm in our faith, he will show us the light at the end of the tunnel. Inch by inch He will set us free.

First Camping Adventure!

2010-09-27T06:31:00.000-07:00
This past weekend the boys and I went on our first boy scout camping trip. Needless to say this was an adventure!!
We arrived Friday night. The boys all went crazy as we scurried to get the tents set up by dark. Some made it some did not. There were about 6 families out there. Only 3 men were out there, one overnight. The rest of the adults were moms. Two of them military moms with deployed husbands, 3 including me.
To be honest I was dreading the whole weekend! I was not feeling up to anymore action with the boys, good or bad, I wanted peace and quiet!!
Anyhow, the camp fire got started as everybody arrived and finished setting up. We sang, danced and had a great time. Each of the different groups of scouts (tigers, wolves, bears, and webelos) did a little scitt or song. The brothers and sisters also got to go up and sing. Stevie LOVED being a part of it all. Even us moms had to go and do something. We finally called it a night around 11pm. Stevie had crashed in my lap about 10:30 so he was already in the tent. With our last potty break...eeewwww...BUGS!... we crawled into/on our sleeping bags for the night. I found it funny that bear was "uncomfortable". The kids never sleeps in his bed, he is always on the floor! Anyhow, as soon as I got him comfy he was out like a light. (next time I will remember my pillow, but the jackets were cozy enough )
Around 3am a truck drove into our camp sight. Being the brave mom that I am, I choose NOT to move an inch. I can have a vivid imagination at times, so I began to pray that God would not let a physco come shot up our camp full of kiddos. They stopped a minute or two, left and then came in the other road, then left again. Thank you God for keeping us safe! Please help me to be brave in the face of danger again, hahaha!
Morning light came too soon and we all wondered out of our tents half asleep. The adults anyway, the kiddos were ready to go!
We had a light morning while the kids played and ate some yummy breakfast! Soon we gathered around to do colors. It was fun. Jon and Colin did great. They loved learning new things.
We went on a hiking trip, well sort of. The weeds were so high we ended up taking a detour to the dirt road. Did not want all the kids covered in those spikey balls that stick to your clothes.... (Note to self, DON'T sit on them!! OUCH!!)
We found Sam Hatchers grave stone. The boys were a little disappointed we would not let them dig it up. Oh my!! Boys will be boys!
We walked into an overgrown outdoor theater area. All was calm... then... SNAKE! "okay boys everybody out!....." That was fun.
We continued the day with lunch, football, tag, and we had a rain gutter race with boats. It was great, until the boys started from hyperventilating from blowing too hard. haha! Bear was the first. He was blowing one way, looking another and totally unresponsive... it was funny, but i felt bad for the little fella!
It was a blast. We played some more. Jon and Colin worked on their first badge along with two others who needed to earn their first badge.
I even successfully taught Stevie to pee on a tree... kind of. He peed all over my hand first.. then, well.... we will work on that one! Nothing like a three year old running around the woods dropping his pants trying to pee! It was a sight to see.
We had another camp fire. Cooked some hamburgers and hot dogs. Then got ready for the ceremony to give the boys the badges. Finally we roasted some marshmellows and made smores. We planned on staying Saturday night too but storms were rolling in so we packed up and headed home. (I was glad!) The boys all crashed shortly after getting in the van. When i woke Lil Steve up to come inside the house, he laid in Hero's dog bed and went to sleep. He brought home a tick and another ear infection, poor fella!
Overall this was a successful adventure. Hopefully we will do even better at our October camp out!
I cant wait for Papa to return! He and the boys will get some "quality" time with out mommy in the woods, haha.
I am glad we went, I am much more thankful for the roof over my head, raid, running water, stoves, beds, clean clothes, lawn mowers, lights, showers, showers, did I mention showers??!!

Be Still

2010-09-23T18:25:00.000-07:00
I spoke with a friend the other day. We were chatting about weather or not someone was still saved even if they were not living a "christian" life. This is a person we have both known to believe in God, at this time they are just not "walking" with Him.
That got me thinking. (These are my personal beliefs and thoughts so please take no offense to anything I may say) I am most definitely not walking as close to God as I was six months to a year ago. I am not anywhere close. In fact if I am being honest I am farther from Him than I have been in a long time.
I think... I got too cozy. I still believe in God, I have more faith in him than I have my whole life. The part that is suffering is my personal relationship with Him. Only its not because of Him, it is me. I don't know if I am choosing to be distant, or maybe He choose it for me. Not as a punishment but to help me grow. I can hear a song and drift into a place where He and I meet. I feel His arms wrapped tight around me, showing love and giving protection.I can worship and praise him. However When I try to dig into the word, try to talk to Him... There are no words. Maybe a sigh, but mainly nothing at all.
Silence....
More and more Silence.
Give me something or someone specific to pray for or about and I can. I pray for my children, my husband, my family. I pray for the needs of others, I pray with my children every morning before school, at meals, when they hurt...
Anyhow YES! You can be saved and have times in your life where God seems distant. You can have times when you are not living a "christian" life in the worlds eyes. But in your heart you know. We all fall, we all fail, we will continue to do so until we meet our maker. That's where His grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness all come into place. He is abounding in love and slow to anger. He is patient.
In this time of my life, I look at the world around me. God is here. I see him everyday in the kindness of a stranger, the cry of a newborn baby, a smile, my children's laughter, a hug..... I don't have to be perfect. He loves me the way I am right now, He knows my heart.
In the bible it says to "Be still and know that I am God."
When i am lost for words I hear Him call to me... "Be still... Be still"
I don't have to have words filling the empty space, the silence is golden. He is God, the author and perfecter of our lives.
This is my time to be still.

God?

2010-09-07T17:19:00.000-07:00
God?

Do you hear me?

I am crying out to you. My heart is breaking. My stomach is in knots. There is panic through my body. My mind is racing.

I am lost.

I feel like you are away from me. In my heart I know it is not you that has grown distant, it is me. I am reaching and reaching but I just cant make it back.

Am I angry? Why?

There is a hole. It all happened so fast. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready.

I am angry...

I don't want to do this alone. I don't want to see their broken hearts. The sadness comes out in so many ways. I don't understand.

Then you whisper to me, "They are hurting just like you. They are the ones who don't understand."

I left the door wide open. I did not protect what you trusted me with. We've been through this so many times. I let my guard down.

Did I fail?

You whisper again, "No my child, you just fell. Get up now. Take my hand. I will carry you."

I realized you are there. You heard my cry. You answered me.

Carry me Lord. Help me.

My heart is mending. My stomach has settled. The panic dissolves. My mind is calm.

I feel your presence again. I feel the healing begin.

09.07.2010

8 Mondays!

2010-08-30T06:38:00.000-07:00
Today is actually a Monday. However, its my 8th one in a row!
If i went on to tell you every detail of why, it would takes pages and hours. Let me share a few of the whoppers!
Last Monday i had to pick up a prescription for my son at Walgreen's. I go through the drive up window to save time and patients. Anyone with children knows how fun it is to stand in long lines that move really slow. Anyhow, i had no cash. So i swiped my card for $3.00 and the lady kindly put it in an envelope, stapled it to the prescription bag, and sent it back to me through the shoot. Later that night I was cleaning, came across that bag and put it in the trash! I heard the little voice in my head telling me to keep it. I decided not to. Why keep it!?!? He has been on this medication before! I don't need the inserts! In the trash it went.
Tuesday morning I went to buy something. Oh no! Where is my card?!?! Yep, in the trash. I would have dug it out but I couldn't. The trash went out that morning. Needless to say, I am still awaiting my replacement.
Fast forward to Friday....
I take the boys to football practice and without fail one of them has to poo. I was NOT going to let him go in the Johny on the spot, my gosh he would probably fall in! The softball fields have a bathroom but since there wasn't a game it was locked. I had to walk him about 1/2 mile to the senior center. I let him run back and carried my littlest man. As I come around the trees I see everyone driving away. I am getting angry thinking, "How on earth can the leave my child, and another here alone!" I mean there was no one, at least that I could see. So I panic. Speed up a little and yell "Did all the coaches just leave you?". Just then from behind a mini van a coach says "I am still here." Thank God! However, I got startled by his voice and stepped in a hole. I blame him because at least that means I did not just step in the hole on my own. Right?!? SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!!!!! Yep. There went the ankle. I call my good friend Ryan and she takes two of my boys while I head off to the ER with the other one. (She is due any day with their third child and her hubby is deployed, This is not an easy job i have asked. It was nearly 8:30pm when i got to her house!) She is GREAT by the way!! Its not broke but the doc says I would have been better off if it was. Gee thanks! I return home at 3 am, and crash! I am supossed to be on kretches, after 2 days thats a no go! Lil Steve hit me in the head twice Sunday morning trying to "sloot the bad guysth." Besides, I am healing rather quickly to my own liking.
I had a friend of mine, Jenny, comment on how God knows my situation and is healing me fast. This is so true. As I was thinking about what she said I was thankful for all the prayers. It is not easy to take care of my house and family with this injury. Just then, God smacked me in the face!!! He asked me "Why am I relying on the prayers of others to get healed. I need to ask him myself". DUH! HELLO! Thank you Lord, i really did need that smack!
Another smack, from myself... Just because my foot feels better, I should not test it out by jumping on it. Yes!!! That hurts!!! I wont do it again, until next week anyway :) If you haven't noticed by now... I am not good with limitations! I get that from my Daddy!
So hear I am, on my 8th Monday morning. I left to take the boys to school. I drove right by it. Jon asked "Uh mom, where are we going?" "Son, that is a very good question!" I turn the hubbies truck around. I like to drive it now and then because it makes me feel close to him, not to mention powerful. We turn around and I drop them off. I have no idea where I was going or what I was thinking.
I drop Stevie off at preschool, who for the first time did not cry when I left. This should make me happy. I mean it does a little. To be honest though, it made me want to cry. I even looked at the little monitor they have up front to see if maybe it was delayed.... nope. Stevie and Buzz Buzz (his buzz light year doll) were happily climbing a shelf. Poor momma! Time to let go.
As I get back in the truck, well its more of a jump, leap, scoot on one leg type of thing... I decide "This is my LAST Monday until next week!" To seal the deal, a Venti iced coffee with one splenda from Starbucks!

Whoa!

2010-08-23T06:48:00.000-07:00
In recent post i was speaking about "preparing for a storm" and "buckling up". I sure hit the nail on the head.

Last Tuesday we said goodbye to my husband. This was hard on all of us. The last days before a deployment are always tough. You are anticipating that moment. You want to get it over with, let them serve their time, and come home! This was no different. Our week had been filled with outings, some family came to visit, i was preparing for school, he was packing, the list goes one and on.

The original flight window was Friday the 13th through Sunday the 15th. The well known "hurry up and wait" hit us. Did he leave? NO! Did he have orders? NO! finally on the afternoon of the 16th he received his flight orders. SHEEEEESH!

With that stress finally lifted we enjoyed our last night together as a family for a while. Tuesday we took him to airport. My heart was aching and the children were hurting. It was written all over their faces! My great idea.... Blizzards!!!! We had tried to get some the night before but it was too late and they needed to get to sleep. We enjoyed a very unhealthy yet satisfying lunch. I think i enjoyed it more than them.

The week proceeded with me missing my first day of classes, dropping another class (down to 2). We attended ENDLESS football practices. Stevie got sick. I don't think we were home except to sleep. The weekend came with no end in sight. Friday i cleaned like a MAD woman. Then i met a new friend who helped me prepare a baby shower for a mutual friend.
It was so fun. Not too stressful. Though busy it was a welcome event, much needed for myself i must say. I have no intention of being selfish, I was blessed to be a blessing. It took my focus off of ME! MYSELF! and I!!!! It was a success! Kids and grown ups alike had a blast! I met some GREAT ladies and hopefully some good friends!

Sunday i wanted sleep, sleep, sleep... hahahahaha! God will let me rest in heaven, or i wont ever be tired there! We were up early. So I decided to head to the morning service at church because i knew that i would make excuses not to go to the afternoon one. It was just what the doctor ordered. The boys and i had lunch at McD's, did a little shopping and headed back to church for a bible study meeting.

At last we came home. I planned to start our school routine. That did not happen!!! We had pizza and movie night with some of the best girls i know and went to bed late! Then we slept in..hahaha. ( Till 645 anyway) I should say i slept in and woke up with the boys instead of before them. We dropped the littlest man off at preschool. Suddenly Colin (bear) informs me he doesn't have shoes. @#*#%*!!!!!! I needed to get straight to the doctor. He and i have been Sharing a MRSA infection....again! I found it easier to run in right aid and buy a pair of shoes for him, than to go all the way home and back. I mean.... HOW do you forget shoes???? I only told him..10, 20 times before we left to get them on!!! I ended up buying each boy a cute pair of water shoes for $3.99 and the older two a Jax set. That was not my plan. We made it to the Doc, its MRSA... no surprise. I got the boys and myself a frosted Chocolate coffee roll from Dunkins, picked up the meds, and headed home. Now to get ready and go to open house at school.... another BUSY week!!!

I love my life! I love my life! I really do, i just need to remember to breath! God is great and has surrounded me with awesome people! Thank you all so much!

Goodbye :(

2010-08-18T06:41:00.000-07:00
A lump in my throat,
I try not to cry.
Fighting tears,
We say goodbye.
As temporary as it may be,
It never gets easier for you or me.
I hold it together for the sake of the kids,
Pain on their faces,
That's all there is.
Through God's strength I drive away,
Cant wait to see you again someday!
8/17/2010

If Words Could Describe

2010-08-10T14:54:00.000-07:00
I wrote this while my husband was deployed to Afghanistan in the fall of 2009

If words could describe how i feel
I would tell you that when you walk into the room my heart falls to the floor
When i look into your eyes peace overcomes my soul
Hearing your voice takes every pain and burden away and i am filled with joy
Your arms wrapped around me surround me with comfort and peace
The thought of you gives me butterflies
And when we kiss i am taken to a far away place where everything disappears but you and me

I miss your touch, your kisses, your presence
I long for your embrace

I wait for the day we are together again.
No matter where you go or for how long i will be here waiting for you
Arms open wide

AUG 23, 2009
Jennifer Pope

Buckle Up!

2010-08-09T17:49:00.000-07:00
The past few weeks have been CRAZY to say the least. I think my boys and would have forgotten to breath if it did not come so natural. We have been spending as much family time together as possible preparing to send my husband away for 6mths to a year, looking closer to 6mths... i pray that holds true!
We celebrated Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween a few weeks ago since Papa is going to miss them all. Its the first time we have done this before a deployment and i recomend it to EVERYONE! We all had a BLAST! I will post a seperate blog on that soon.
We also Celebrated my youngest sons third birthday this past saturday. They grow so fast. We were blessed to have my sister in law in town and my nieces for the weekend and the party. We crammed so much into such a little time period I feel like i could sleep for a week, no time for that though. The night before the party Dianna, Jessica and i were up until 1:30 am and later decorating cake. Talk about a sugar high!
We went to the beach friday and a water park Sunday.
Today i sent my baby to his first day of preschool. It broke my heart but he loved it.(all but nap time anyway) We also said goodbye to our company.
This has left me with a broken hearted boy. Saying Goodbye to his Auntie and cousins has reminded Jonathan that Daddy is leaving. He has been in tears many times since they pulled out. Only God can mend him but we are filling him with all the TLC we can.
I start school next week, Jon and Colin start in two.
The Love of my life will be gone by Sunday....
I guess "buckle up" is a message to myself to hold on tight. The roller coaster ride is just begining. I am not sure what life will bring in the near future but i know we will get through it..... hopefully we dont get stuck upside down...

Preparing for the Storm

2010-07-15T10:34:00.000-07:00
I was driving home from the Store today and out the windshield was a huge thunderhead. I kept thinking to myself how only God could paint a picture like that. Beautiful.
I feel as though i am preparing for a storm. As the thunderhead is growing i am becoming nervous about what lies ahead. I am not afraid because i know that God will see us through.
I need to fill my survival kit. Like when you prepare for an earthquake, typhoon, hurricanes.... I am preparing my family for a year of change. I need to be sure i can do anything that must be done on the home front in order to set my husband up for success.
I don't feel sorry for myself. I will have everything i do now, except him. He will be leaving everything he has. Going to a different country and fighting a war.
I need to find a way to balance life. Life as a single mom. I need to be the wife God has called me to be regardless if my husband is home or away. I have to make my children feel safe. Make sure they know daddy is safe. God is taking care of him. Allow their feelings to be expressed and show them the right ways to do that. I need to be in control of myself, to control the stress they are going to face. If i am not ok, they are not. If i am, they are. If Steve knows we are ok, he can focus on his job and not worry about all of our "junk". So here we go. I am gonna be prepared. I am ready to get through the storm with as little "damage" as possible. We may be boarding up the windows but we are not shutting out the light. I don't want to miss anything God may have in store. Just like the thunderhead brings in the storm,when it passes it leaves a rainbow!!! Lord... I WILL praise you in the storm!

Standing with God

2010-07-13T06:27:00.000-07:00
Here we go again....
Steve got a call last week that he is leaving. The information is still sketchy but it looks like he will be gone very shortly and for up to a year. The good news is that he will not deploy to Afghanistan in the summer like planned. He is An EOD tech so getting orders elsewhere is a blessing. He will not be working as much with bombs on this deployment.
However it send us on our third deployment since August 2008.
I know that God is in control and this may be how He is keeping Steve safe but it is another major change for our family in such a short time.
In an effort to find comfort we reached out to friends and family for prayer and support.
A good friend shared with me something put on her heart for another friend...
"its when you stand alone that you find out where God stands with you"
This reached deep in my heart. It is simple but huge! My relationship with God has been strained since we left Yuma. Its been tough finding a church, we have made a few friends but do not have the relationships we left behind. Though our friends are still here for us, the are not in the same city...or state.
God is. He is everywhere we go. He never leaves us and He will never forsake us. We may have forgotten that but He has his arms open wide and has already placed everyone and everything we will need to get through this next year in our path. We just need to reach out to Him. Stand firm in our faith. Believing in the things unseen.
Ehp 2:8-10 For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith. This is not from yourselves. It is a gift of God..... for we are Gods workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God created in advance for us to do...
So even though i don't understand why we are facing this, i know its God. I know that someone out there is needing to see His glory and hear His truth. If we are tools He has chosen to use then i am honored and blessed. It is a small sacrifice compared to the cross.